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Ridin’ for lady love

This month, Tasneem Abdur-Rashid takes you into the mind of a woman, and brings you the stark truth of what she thinks when she sees you rollin' up in your ride.

Seen the recent rom-com ‘He's Just Not That Into You' yet? If you have, then you'll know that throughout the movie, women are depicted as paranoid, sensitive and over-analytical beings that just don't know when to take ‘no' for an answer.

Is there any truth in it? Maybe… but can you blame us? You smile, flirt, lay on the charm, pay for our meals, and then get surprised when we expect a follow-up phone call? The whole thing is just deceptive from A (Arranging the date) to Z (Zealous chatter). The reason is that the communication channels are clogged, because when it comes to body language, men really are from Mars and women from Venus – you don't get us, and we don't get you.

Newsflash: we're not the only ones getting things wrong,you're equally bad at understanding what goes on in our heads. Here in the Gulf, we're used to seeing guys in hot, flashy rides zoom by, leaving behind a cloud of dust and the faint whiff of Oud. We're accustomed to being ogled when we pull up next to you at a traffic light, closing our windows to avoid you leaning out of yours, waving your business card, and trying to get ours.

But whilst you think you're being sauve, sexy and irresistible, very rarely do we actually look at you. One quick, subtle glance at your car tells us all we need to know about you, and if we're not impressed, you're out of luck. No matter how pearly your whites are, how twinkly your eyes, we have already made up our minds about you.

If you are the type who lets your car do your talking, here's what it's saying to us:

Are you compensating for something?

The usual suspects

Coupe: Ferrari

4x4: Hummer H3

Sedan: Rolls Royce

Pull up next to me in one of these, and we may just look your way. Fast, powerful and oozing with real riches, we'll definitely wonder if you're the same as your car. However, if you start trying to catch our attention (revving is a no-no unless you want me to puke at the sheer audacity of it), the most you'll get from us is a dirty look. Why are you looking at me when you can barely see me over my half-closed, 70 per cent tinted window? It's obvious you're after a cheap thrill and unless we're shameless hussies out for some fun, we'll be wary.

It's not going to be easy to get us to yield to you. Contrary to what you may think, having a sexy ride is not enough for us to want you. You'll have to work mega hard to prove that there's more to you than your wheels, you're not an arrogant fool, and you're not compensating for (a lack of) something.

If we embark on a relationship, it'll take some time before we open up to you. We'll question your intentions, we'll build a barrier as solid as the Great Wall of China, and we'll need a hell of a lot of coaxing to soften up. And even if we do, unless we're super sexy ourselves, we'll always feel a tad insecure and worry that you have roaming eyes. We may even ban you from driving with your windows down for good.

Are you on your way to the Geriatric ward?

The usual suspects

Coupe: Bentley

4x4: Nissan Pathfinder

Sedan: BMW 7 series


You're clearly a classy guy with good taste. Pull up next to us though, and we won't feel flattered, as, before even looking at you, we'll assume you're old, and wrinkles aren't really our thing. However, if we're in need of a man with enough cash to fund our lavish lifestyles, then we'll find your interest very helpful. Why? ‘Cause your ride is a sugar daddy's ride, that's why.

Strong, expensive and stately, your car befits an older gentleman – with an agenda. But if you're young, we'll be a little confused and slightly wary. We'll assume you're successful (and you know it), confident and very, very boring.

It won't be too difficult to get our attention though. You're probably charming with great manners, and that will draw us to you, but you'll have to work damn hard to keep our attention.

We'd love for you to prove that you're not boring or too safe - that you can be spontaneous and fun. Woo us with more than just dinner at the Burj al Arab, as expensive dates will wear thin after a while. Show us you're happy to pull up at a cafeteria and dig into a shawarma, and you're just as interested in going paintballing as you are in staying at home with a DVD. Once you prove to be multi-dimensional and down to earth, we may just embark on a fulfilling relationship.

Just don't enjoy our dads' company more than ours, speak to us in finance-ish, or feel sleepy at 9.00 pm.

Which team are you on?

The usual suspects

Coupe: Audi TT

4x4: Toyota Rav 4

Sedan: All Peugeots

Soft, feminine and let's face it, kinda weak, drive a chickmobile and you're in for a tough time. You'll have to go out of your way to prove your masculinity, and even the littlest actions from you – like noticing our new outfit or enjoying shopping – will make us wonder if you're batting for the other side. Even if you prove to be straight, strong and stable, we'll never let you drive us around. If you want to go in your car, you're going to have to let us take the wheel.

Feminine cars speak volumes (like us women usually do), and although some of it may be just plain stigma, our philosophy is this: you had a budget when you bought your car, and there are tons of cars to choose from. Why did you go for a girly one? What does it say about you? Are you just uber confident in your pink shirt, plucked eyebrows and manicured fingernails, and think that you, as a modern day metrosexual living in the world of hair straighteners and male spas, transcend the unspoken laws about your belongings reflecting you?

If we're divas and we need a gentle man (note: not gentleman) to push around, cater to our sudden Baskin Robbins urges in the middle of the night, and massage our feet every evening, we will definitely be into you. But turn out to be hard, aggressive and moronic, and we'll feel like we've been cheated.

If we swallow our superficialities and ignore the gentle curves of your car and marry you, we may have a fleeting question. Will this sweet, sensitive and caring man, after 15 years and two kids, run off with my gardener?

Scary, not sexy

The usual suspects

Coupe: Lamborghini

4x4: BMW X6

Sedan: Maybach

If your car looks like it comes from another planet, then most likely, so do you. Okay, maybe not literally, but definitely figuratively. Guys with domineering, extra strong and powerful cars are more than a little intimidating. Of course, it could be the complete opposite, but the chances are, it's not. After all, why choose an X6 that looks like a dinosaur or a Lambo that looks like a spaceship? Clearly, budget is not a question.

Your car will make us feel safe, but nervy at the same time. Although we're pretty sure we'll have some fun with you, we're also worried that you have a fierce temper, you're controlling, and used to getting your own way. We'll assume that you have exceptionally high standards when it comes to women, can be critical, harsh, and sometimes, downright mean. Maybe you're looking for a softy to push around?

You'll have to really prove us wrong. Show us a sensitive side to you that isn't drenched in insincerity, show us that it's not all shisha and racing with you (we want to see you read and appreciate culture), and we may be coaxed into giving you a chance. If we're gold diggers though, ignore all of the above. We won't care.

You say chic, we say cheap

The usual suspects

Coupe: Nissan Tiida

4x4: Kia Sportage

Sedan: Toyota Corolla

It's a harsh world. People are always judged by the personality that they project through their belongings – where they live, what they wear and what they drive. Of course, initial impressions are wrong all the time, and usually, you are eventually judged by your personality and what you bring to the table.

The thing is, unless we know you already, if you try and follow us down Jumeirah Road in a Toyota Corolla, we'll feel offended. Deep down, we know that you're probably quite nice looking, funny and devoid of pompous airs and graces that are a total turn off. But the superficial cow in us will find it hard to look beyond your rusty rims and notice your funky hair and naughty charm.

If we happen to accidentally look your way and we're impressed by what we see, we won't be able to help wondering: should we go on a date, where would you take us, and will we have to go dutch? But you know what? If you have a great personality, we may give in and end up respecting you for not taking on a massive car loan just to give out the illusion that you're rich. You're probably practical, non-whimsical and confident enough to drive your ride – rather than letting it drive you.

Armed with this handy guide, you should have no problems attracting, and keeping our attention. So what're you waiting for? Do we hear the ignition?

DISCLAIMER: This article does not represent the opinions of Arabian Man magazine, nor the opinion of every single woman in this world. So if you drive any of the mentioned cars, or don't agree, don't be upset! It's all in good spirit!

Article by :  Arabian Man

Posted: May Issue 2009

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